Leaning into unhappiness

Maybe it doesn't have to be all that serious, and maybe You feel unsettled because you know you are meant for more, and maybe you are ready

Welcome to The Dandelion Tiger. This publication began during a period of searching, when I was looking for a voice that resonated, that perhaps shared some of my questions, thoughts and experiences. I hope that you will find some of that connection here, as much as I hope to hear from you, if any of what you read strikes a chord.

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Hello from London, 5am wide awake from jet-lag. I have been back and forth between Asia & London every month for the past three, think the travel is catching up with my body.

I am turning 26 this year. I’m not sure if it is just the jet-lag, winter, or something deeper, and maybe every 20-something in the world feels this way, but I am not fully happy with where I am at this point in my life. I guess I thought I would be, and for a time I truly truly was. At a low point, I used to pray on my knees for the life I now lead. And thank God it all came to be. I am not ungrateful.

Unsettled, I think, is what it is. It would not be a bad life to continue down the path I’m currently on. I have an acceptably good job, my finances are stable, I love living in this city, and I’m comfortable. Honestly, I could romanticise the shit out of my London corporate girlie life, lean completely into this ‘office siren’ trend which tbh I’m pretty into and run with it forever, but. What gnaws at me is just that: I am just comfortable. And don’t get me wrong, I love comfort, and I know how privileged I am to be complaining about being comfortable ffs, but the thing is, in my heart of hearts I know that I am not living up to my fullness. I know that I am hiding, cushioning myself with the ease and predictability of a 9-to-5 because I am afraid to step into myself.

And I am not comfortable with that.

This line from You’ve Got Mail has been replaying itself in my mind lately:

Am I being brave? And if not, what do I want to be brave towards? And if I don’t change anything, will I be able to live with that knowledge? And do I have to do some big brave thing, isn’t all this enough?

Saw the below on the internet some years ago and saved it,

I think sometimes we make ourselves feel guilty for feeling unhappy or unsatisfied.

For me at least I think the reason is because so much of the ethical beliefs and teachings passed down to me from my family, and those before them, is centred around the Buddhist principle of non-attachment: to the illusion of the egoic self, and its monkey-minded desires. True fulfilment can come only from within, and Desire is the root of all suffering, and yeah, greed is one of the seven deadly sins too, per Jesus. So guilt always snaked its way into my system alongside any feelings of desire, wanting more, or wanting differently.

And so we try to change the way we feel, and we tell ourselves that hey, it’s not all bad, and you’ve got a ton to be grateful for, this life is more than enough. And we do our best to wean ourselves off of the wanting.

Lately though I’ve come to see that being unhappy with something doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world, and it’s not a feeling we need to spend so much time trying to avoid, to coax ourselves away from feeling. I am a firm believer that our bodies instinctively know what is right for us, and it is directing us all the time towards what we need, and it does so by using our emotions first as a signal. Negative emotions especially can be the most life-changing signposts.

When unhappiness arises, what if we leaned into it, listened to it, sat with it. Maybe it is directing us towards a change we need to make, maybe it is our bodies giving us permission to pursue a path we have yet to consider, or even dared to consider?

I think I am readying for a change, and the unsettled feelings I’m wrestling with are growing pains. And you know, I can’t say that I know for sure what that change might look like yet, but I know that I don’t have to be too miserable about it all. As confusing and, at times, agonising as it gets, I might actually be a little excited.

Nothing lasts forever, and circumstances that may have fit you in one season may not fit you in the next. Like outgrowing a pair of jeans, or learning to appreciate coffee as you grow older, things change. Cycles continue to cycle, emotions are just emotions and unhappiness doesn’t have to be feared.

You have strength enough to feel it all.

HR disclaimer I love my job and I am not planning to quit any time soon x.