Creating, giving yourself permission to suck, founder diaries | Honest chat & reflection

Hello :) This piece is part of my 4am Musings column. In brief, this column contains my notes and other thoughts on life; including personal, possibly misguided but nakedly honest reflections on things as they are, or at least my best attempts at seeing them as they are.

I also write Fashion & Related Thoughts, which goes into what I’m wearing, deep dives into brand stories; other missives on fashion, style & related news.

Thanks always for being here. If you are interested in following along, a subscription, like, comment or recommendation to a friend would be of huge support to my work.

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Finally giving myself permission to suck

Hey, can I be honest with you, can I tell you how long I have been thinking about starting a blog like this, to give myself the space to do what I love (which is to write) for? The truth makes me a little sheepish… I have been dilly dallying with this idea since 2020.

me, sheeping about for 3 whole years

I have started and abandoned many a writing project over the 3 years that it took for me to finally get this substack up and running; stuck in a loop of pretty intense self-doubt and perfectionism. I would write something, pause, go back and scrutinise the heck out of it, picking everything apart until there was nothing left hahaha; even now,

I literally keep a notebook with ‘feedback’ to myself dissecting how each substack I have written can be better. It’s full of critique like ‘underdeveloped idea’, ‘language too casual’, ‘language too sharp’, ‘poor structure’. Like, sorry, but who do I think I am?! As if I think I am writing an appeal for my own life or something hahaha. I am new to writing for an audience, and want with all my heart to develop as a writer, but honestly my constant self-criticism wasn’t constructive, it was borderline bullying.

Starting this substack has been nothing short of liberating. Truly, each time that I get to sit down, write an essay and publish, it feels like letting out the most massive, refreshing breath. I know in my heart that I am finally allowing myself to do what I have felt called to do, all these years.

I do not think that everything I publish is amazing, or even very good at times, but in giving myself permission to just do what I love, whether or not it is perfect, I am giving myself the grace and kindness to be human, to practice and learn and hone and grow. In giving myself permission to suck, I am creating room for myself to flourish. And I love that for me :)))

And I hope that you will extend this same kindness to yourself, to allow yourself to just go for it, whether you will actually suck or not. Whatever it is you are feeling called to create, whatever it is you have within you to share, the world needs to see it. (and I think that you may already know what it is!!)

Going for it [founder diaries]

My partner and I are both at the precipice of founding a start-up (separate endeavours). I say precipice as in edge-of-a-cliff precipice because we were reflecting together after both reaching a milestone, and agree that it is scary !! Exhilarating and exciting and so much fun but terrifying too, that feeling you get when you are on a rollercoaster and it is steadily climbing up higher and higher and your nerves mount and mount until your heart is in your throat and your body can barely contain itself.

It was surprising, because of all the emotions I imagined I would feel upon hitting this milestone, fear wasn’t one of them. Mulling it over brought me back to a previous reflection, on the merits of leaning into unhappiness and letting negative emotions guide you.

Developing on that train of thought a bit more - negative emotions are always going to exist in the periphery, right there alongside our moments of joy, excitement and hopefulness. Because we are only human and have been conditioned for survival, excitement about a new opportunity may equally trigger a fear of change and unpredictability; the joy of learning a new skill runs parallel to the struggle and toil of laborious practice; the prospect and bliss of falling in love may come hand in hand with heartbreak and pain. And that is not a bad thing, at all. No sunshine without rain, no joy without pain.

So if you’re afraid, maybe it’s because you’re doing something actually worth doing 🤷‍♀️

Ending this Founder Diaries segment with an interesting thing I noticed. I’ve been searching for a poc female graphic designer / illustrator to work with, the search has been surprisingly hard?? Quick google generates only websites belonging to white men (not trying reverse discriminate here, the nature of my business just means a female perspective would be ideal). Why is that?

Little updates

Have been playing around with vlogging on tiktok (@TheDandelionTiger) and finding the push for short form, adhd-inducing (social media guru said that to do well, each clip must be between 0.6 - 0.8 seconds and 1 second MAX), and non-aesthetics focussed content structure a bit limiting. I want to make aesthetic, visually pleasing, slow and calming videos. Feel like I am lying to myself if I followed the holy rules of tiktok bible. Maybe I should switch to youtube? Not sure how I will juggle all the things though. Idk. What do you think?

I was planning to go to a designer sample sale this Saturday but did not in the end. I’ve been feeling shopping / consumption fatigue lately, if that is even a thing. While I may enjoy a browse every now and then, I do not (at least for the moment) feel any strong desire to purchase any piece of clothing. To purchase anything, really. I purchased a set from COS last week but returned it.

My wardrobe doesn’t feel like it’s missing any key pieces, I feel I have enough to happily dress for any occasion. Is this what happens when … the capsule wardrobe is finally complete? Have I unwittingly attained the unattainable; this mythical, ancient quest of the fashion girlie from time beginning?

Maybe I am simply, for the first time in my life, rooted firmly enough in myself to not crave material satiation.

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A gratitude affirmation track that I have been listening to for over 5 years now. It grounds me each time.

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Signing off with London sky today & live footage of what I am wearing as I write this - a baby blue j.crew sweater that I’ve worn to death and will love to death. This is what fashion is all about, baby :)

P.S. still working on my piece about lululemon - to help with the research, tell me where you buy your workout clothes?

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